Mashed

Mmm, mashed pota...no. No, that's not potato.  

No, I said NOT potato.

It's cauliflower.  Mmmm cauliflower. 

Wait, come back.  I'm serious. I love cauliflower.  I need a cauliflower farmer friend.  Because seriously Safeway, $3.99 each? Really? Thank god for H Mart.  $0.99!  I'm stocking up. 

I love cauliflower.  Boil 'em, mash 'em stick them in a stew.  Wait, no, dammit, LOTR reference again. Sorry.  

I'll steam them, roast them, eat them raw, and yes, boil and mash them. 

If you've ever had mashed cauliflower and weren't thrilled by its thin, watery consistency, in fact wondering if you were actually being served soup on a plate instead of warm, comforting, thick mashed potato stand-in, well your problem is that you can't cook. Hahah, just kidding. I don't know your skillz. Calm down.  Boil or steam your roughly chopped cauliflower until suuuuper tender. Fall apart. No crunchies.  Drain off all the water. Put the cauliflower back in the pot over low to medium heat.  Dry those suckers off.  DRY. Drier.  No, drier.  No, not that dry.  Are you burning them?  Ok, maybe you can't cook.  A little toastiness is okay, let's call it depth of flavor. 

Now, get your stick blender and puree into a fine consistency.  If you want chunks, that's up to you.  It's your food. If you don't have a stick blender, get one. I'll wait.

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You're still here.  Fine. Use your blender or food processor. But you're doing the dishes.  

Once your mash is all mashy, add butter or a nice fruity extra virgin olive oil.  And maybe a dollop of cream cheese.  And of course salt and pepper to taste. Mix until all combined and dig in!  Yum.  Don't be sad when you've eaten the entire head of cauliflower. Because ya know, what? It's only got like 4 Calories (not counting the fats you just added).  That's probably not true, but right now I'm too lazy to look it up.  You've got Google, you do some of the work.  Jeez.

(Oh, and the stuff next to the mashed cauliflower in the top pic is a beef stir fry with beet greens.  Don't throw those tops away! They're yummy. Just cut out the thick stems, wash like crazy, and saute like chard or spinach.)