The "Before" Pic

Maybe the day you go out to eat twice in one day and end up feeling like a bloated whale isn't the day you want to take your "before" photo.  I had Indian and Italian.  I made pretty smart choices and thoroughly enjoyed my meals and my company, but it adds up quick!

But I took the photo, side and front.  I didn't suck it in.  I didn't do my make up.  I'm dressed in a white tank and shorts, so there's really no hiding the size of...well...anything.  NO, I'm not posting it.  I may, in the end, once I look hot and strut around like Beyonce all day long even if I end up throwing my hip out ...

...maybe then, I'll post my "before" pic as part of a flipbook-like gif and you can watch the amazing shrinking Aileen.  

Until then, we move on and keep trying our best.  

And strut if you goddamn feel like it, regardless of what size you are.  Plus, I'm sure walking around like that burns a lot of Calories :)

Can I eat that?

Can you eat pizza on your diet?

Why yes! I can!  I just didn't eat the entire thing at once!  And, ahem, it's called THE UNFATTENING! DUN!DUN!DUNNNN!!!!!!!  This is the Chesapeake from Dogfish Ale House in Gaithersburg, MD.  It's a pesto pizza with cheese, fresh tomatoes, asparagus, basil, and lump blue crab.  Delicious.  And these 6 slices lasted me 4 meals.  So when something contains a lot of Calories because of its sheer volume, decide if it's worth eating because it needs to be worth eating multiple times.  Unless you're okay with throwing food away or have someone to share it with.  And no, I don't throw yummy food away and I didn't happen to have anyone to share this with.

This is how I enjoyed the last piece for dinner tonight.  

Wait, you had chips and salsa, too?  Can you eat chips on your diet? 

 Dammit, it's called THE UNFATTENING! DUN! DUN! DUNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!  And yes, I can eat chips.  That right there is 1.5 ounces of tortilla chips, not the whole bag. I measured out 1.5oz but only ate half because I decided I didn't want any more and might want some ice cream later.  

You can eat ice cream-- 

Oh, for the love of god...

Oh, and before I forget, today is Wednesday!  Weigh-In Wednesday!  I completed the third week of THE UNFATTENING! DUN! DUN! DUNNN!!!!!!!!!! (I might need to shorten that to just THE UNFATTENING! Or maybe TUDDD!!  Hahaahaa TUDDD.  Sounds gross.)  Anyway, I lost 1.6lbs this week for a grand total of 8lbs.  Yay!

So, I've hit the normal amount of weight loss (1-2lbs/wk) having loss any excess water weight that one loses when first starting a weight loss program. Now it's time to just keep chugging along.  And once I kick this cold I've had and stop wheezing and coughing so much, it'll be time to think about incorporating *GASP!* (cough! cough! Oh, I shouldn't have gasped so enthusiastically) REGULAR EXERCISE!!!!!!! DUN! DUN! DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Isnt' it exciting when you do everything dramatically?)

Taco party!

Menage a trois tacos

Taco party!  No innuendo.  Just some soft, warm tortillas stuffed with juicy, succulent meats slathered in sauces.

Oh, food porn, lol.

 Tacos are great for THE UNFATTENING because they pack tons of flavor in just a few bites.   Straight out of the bag, flour tortillas are way more appetizing, but I find a good corn tortilla has a more complex flavor and doesn't fill you up.  And if you choose corn tortillas over flour tortillas, you can totally eat more tacos because they have fewer Calories.  The key to making store bought corn tortillas delicious is to heat them up properly.  Basically, rehydrate the tortilla with water (quick dip in a bowl of water) then put it on the grill or hot pan.

Today I had an assortment of taco fillings available.  It was like having my own personal Chipotle, only better because I didn't have anyone around me pronouncing it Chipolte.

• On the top left is grilled skirt steak with tomatoes and queso fresco.
• The skirt steak was dead simple. Just salt and pepper and don't overcook it.  It seriously took like 2 minutes on each side on a hot grill and then I let it rest.
• On the top right is grilled squid with chopped tomatoes and a cilantro dressing (basically this recipe, more or less).  
• The squid was a little chewy.  I'm still trying to figure out how to make great grilled squid - really tender, but done, and with a good smokey char flavor.  This was grilled a few minutes on each side, sliced into rings, and then seasoned with salt, pepper, and lemon juice.
• On the bottom is pork carnitas with coleslaw and queso fresco (I would leave the cheese off next time). 
•  The carnitas took the longest, but other than breaking down the pork shoulder into chunks, takes very little effort and only a handful of ingredients for fall-apart, porky succulence with hints of citrus.   
• When making coleslaw, salt the cabbage for 30 mins first to get rid of excess bitterness and to achieve that nice pickled crunch. Remember to rinse the cabbage before mixing in the dressing (e.g. mayo, apple cider vinegar, honey, celery seed) and go lightly with the salt. 

So these tacos alone would have been a perfect, reasonable holiday lunch for THE UNFATTENING.  However, thank goodness for extra weekly points on Weight Watchers because these tacos were followed by grilled pineapple (fine), ice cream (sugar free - not bad), mixed berry pie (okay, not too much.  oh, but you put more ice cream on it?), grilled margherita pizza (oh goodness, no room, but who can say 'no' to a piece of grilled pizza with tons of basil??!), and some tortilla chips here and there...  I basically ate a day's worth of food in one sitting.  It hurt a little, but follow that with some relaxing on the patio on a beautiful day with family, AND the fact that I didn't go over my points for the day, AND had absolutely no desire to eat any more today, it was worth it. We'll see how I feel about it when I weigh myself this week, but you live, you learn.

But sometimes you just gotta pig out.

Speaking of pig...what to do with all the left over carnitas...?

How to measure progress

You know how kids measure their height by standing with their backs against a wall and someone draws a line on the wall to track their growth?  If you look really close behind the door of my childhood bedroom, through the yellow paint, you can still see faint pencil markings of my height from when I was 6 to probably when I was about 12.  

I'm thinking of slightly vandalizing my rental house bedroom wall and doing this for my horizontal shrinkage.  

I can never measure myself properly with a tape measure.  And I'm not going to a tailor every week and ask her to measure me.  I think the problem is the lack of eyes behind my head and my three dimensionality.  For example, when measuring my waist, it looks straight and even from the front, but the tape has risen a few inches up my back, thus increasing the overall measurement.  Unacceptable!  Also, I can never remember exactly where I measured my waist, hips, arms, legs from one week to the next.  I could draw on myself with permanent marker or get some reference points tattooed on myself, but I think that's going a little too far.  

So, why not just draw a mark on the wall from one side of my torso to the other?  I could do it standing with my shoulder to the wall as well for a dorsal to ventral measurement.  Then I could measure the distances between the pairs of marks. 

OR I could just weigh myself.  

That'll do for now. I weigh myself in the morning, after using the toilet, making sure my nails are clipped (it totally matters!!), and stark ass nekkid.   I started THE UNFATTENING (DUN!DUN!DUNNN!!!!!) on Wednesday 5/9/2013.  Two weeks later, 5/22/13, I'm down 6.4lbs.  :) Of course, lots of water weight since this is the start and I was also retaining water because I am a girl. But hooray for progress!

We'll see if I have the courage to post pics of myself through this process.  Maybe. We'll see. 

Mashed

Mmm, mashed pota...no. No, that's not potato.  

No, I said NOT potato.

It's cauliflower.  Mmmm cauliflower. 

Wait, come back.  I'm serious. I love cauliflower.  I need a cauliflower farmer friend.  Because seriously Safeway, $3.99 each? Really? Thank god for H Mart.  $0.99!  I'm stocking up. 

I love cauliflower.  Boil 'em, mash 'em stick them in a stew.  Wait, no, dammit, LOTR reference again. Sorry.  

I'll steam them, roast them, eat them raw, and yes, boil and mash them. 

If you've ever had mashed cauliflower and weren't thrilled by its thin, watery consistency, in fact wondering if you were actually being served soup on a plate instead of warm, comforting, thick mashed potato stand-in, well your problem is that you can't cook. Hahah, just kidding. I don't know your skillz. Calm down.  Boil or steam your roughly chopped cauliflower until suuuuper tender. Fall apart. No crunchies.  Drain off all the water. Put the cauliflower back in the pot over low to medium heat.  Dry those suckers off.  DRY. Drier.  No, drier.  No, not that dry.  Are you burning them?  Ok, maybe you can't cook.  A little toastiness is okay, let's call it depth of flavor. 

Now, get your stick blender and puree into a fine consistency.  If you want chunks, that's up to you.  It's your food. If you don't have a stick blender, get one. I'll wait.

...

...

...

You're still here.  Fine. Use your blender or food processor. But you're doing the dishes.  

Once your mash is all mashy, add butter or a nice fruity extra virgin olive oil.  And maybe a dollop of cream cheese.  And of course salt and pepper to taste. Mix until all combined and dig in!  Yum.  Don't be sad when you've eaten the entire head of cauliflower. Because ya know, what? It's only got like 4 Calories (not counting the fats you just added).  That's probably not true, but right now I'm too lazy to look it up.  You've got Google, you do some of the work.  Jeez.

(Oh, and the stuff next to the mashed cauliflower in the top pic is a beef stir fry with beet greens.  Don't throw those tops away! They're yummy. Just cut out the thick stems, wash like crazy, and saute like chard or spinach.)

Asparagus and eggs

Make friends with your coworkers who live on farms.  You will be the recipient of eggs and asparagus. And you will mix the eggs and asparagus with thyme, cheese, and milk and bake it until the edges are set and the middle is a bit wobbly.  Let it cool to room temp and you will love every luxurious bite of this savory flan. Next time though you'll cook it in a water bath so it cooks more evenly.  

Interesting how the cheese sank and the asparagus floated.

Or you'll saute the asparagus with shallots, peas, tarragon, and cooked red new potatoes and top it with a poached egg.  Then you'll plate it like you're fancy but once the pic is taken, eat it like you were raised in a barn because how else are you going to lick up all that insta-sauce, a.k.a. egg yolk?

Who needs hollandaise when you've got thick, runny, yolk?

First!

Purpose: To add to the collection of food porn on the internet. Specifically, food that is worth every mouthful, thus ensuring success during THE UNFATTENING*.

Hypothesis: Going public with food consumed during THE UNFATTENING and periodic updates on the progress of THE UNFATTENING will result in successful skinnying**.

Method: Post pictures of food consumed prior to eating (Of course! Nobody wants to see the food after I've eaten it. It's not THAT kind of porn). Include recipes if the food was homemade. Food does not have to fall under any typical diet category, such has "healthy" or "low cal". It may happen to be healthy or low in Calories, but above all things, it must be delicious and worth eating. Eating is a wonderful, pleasurable experience, best when shared. So everybody at the table must enjoy it (barring any dietary restrictions or allergies)! Foods that typically fall under the "unhealthy" category must also be the best of its kind and be worth the Calories.

*THE UNFATTENING: proper pronunciation is done with a booming voice and followed by a dramatic DUN!DUN!DUN!!!!!!!! Most people know this process as a "diet". The author does not like the term diet. For one, the definition of a diet is everything one eats. Everyone that eats is on a diet. It can be a good diet or a poor diet. It has nothing to do with active weight loss. And secondly, the word diet has the word 'die' in it. How depressing. So, the author went on a word quest to find the best term for the process. Back in the 1920s when the first health craze of the modern world kicked off, the process was called 'slimming'. It's a fine enough word, but there's nothing slim about the author. The author is fat. The author would like to be not fat. To do so, the author must therefore unfatten herself. And so the term was coined. The author is sure it's not the first time it's been used (the domain name was taken, after all), but the author is pretty sure it's the first time that it is required that it must be said as if the dramatic hamster is saying it.

**Yes, I know skinnying is not a word, but neither is unfattening.